Religion and Healing

Monday, June 30, 2008
I know that this is a very HOT subject, but I have felt the need to express my feelings here.
I don't know what I would do without my belief in a Supreme Being as I have gone through the steps of healing from past abuse. I grew up angry and afraid of everything and it wasn't until I really started to study the scriptures that I began to heal.
I was raised in a deeply religious family but I remember as a child, sitting in church, thinking "I can't wait till I grow up so I can stay home from church and do something fun". I was always bored stiff and I didn't like to sit still; it made me nervous.
As I grew up I still didn't care for it but felt a sense of 'having to be in church' so I continued to go. As a young adult I still didn't understand the NEED to go but I continued. It wasn't until I really began to STUDY the scriptures, not just read them but really study, that I understood what was drawing me in that direction. As I studied the life of the Savior and began to follow his example that I felt his love and companionship. I learned to overcome the effects of my past and learn to deal with my body which had never been well or as strong as most people around me.
I get asked all of the time how a God in Heaven can allow bad things to happen to good people. Of course I don't know all the answers, but I like to relate it to raising my own children. When my toddlers were learning to walk, I would stand them up on one side of the room and I would race to the other side and hold out my arms and say, "Come on, come to Mama". I knew that in the beginning they would do more falling down than walking, but that was the only way they would learn. If I held their hand ALL the time or carry them every time they wanted me to, they would never become strong. We would buy them bikes and roller skates and other toys for them that would teach them balance and strength even though we knew that they would crash and get hurt periodically. When they were teenagers we knew they would make some good and some very poor choices, but at times we needed to stand back to allow them to learn from their choices.
Some of their choices were devastating to us as parents, but we continued to love them and had to step aside until they were willing to come back to us for help and we had to wait until they chose to make appropriate changes in their own lives.
I know that my Father in Heaven does the same thing, for he has done it all, and more in my behalf. He loves more perfectly than I do, and judges more lovingly than I do. His mercy and love for me has been so incredible and he has been there to help and strengthen me when I choose to look in his direction. He certainly hasn't made me 'all better' by any means, but he is teaching me to pull myself up and become strong no matter what has happened to me. He has given me the gift of helping others who suffer in this life and I am so incredibly thankful to him for that blessing.
I feel his love and peace when life is challenging, but I have to search for it some times and at other times it is given and received easily. When I don't feel it in the moment, I remember times past that I had it and the memory continues to strengthen me.
I have heard many, many times that it doesn't matter what happens to you, all that matters is what you do with it. I grew up angry and miserable and I remember one day thinking how tired I was from being angry all of the time and I didn't want to do it anymore. So I began a slow and difficult journey of changing my lifestyle and thought patterns. It has been long and hard but very worth it. My life is so much better because of the life and influence of my Savior and my God.
If I were to go back and do it all over again, I would hope that I would learn to rely on him much earlier in life than I did. I am NOT sorry that bad things happened to me, I am only sorry it took me so long to turn my life around and focus on the Lord's light and love.